Shit Happens & Other Recipes

Mowing my head

I’m shaving my head for the summer. It’s fantastically cool and cuts my blow drying time down to almost half.

As I go up a row an

d d

own another with the electric razor, I’m fascinated at how much this activity resembles mowing my lawn. So now everyday as I shave my head, I keep a large glass of ice-tea nearby and mid way through I go and chat with the neighbors.

So that's what they call it when they shove a tube up your ass

I had a procedure done yesterday. I’m almost too embarrassed to say what it was. Okay…no I’m not. It was a colonoscopy, and if you’re over 40 you should probably have one. In fact, since I’m an old pro at this now and if you stop over, I’ll perform it for you at half the price. I’ve been practicing on the dog.

It goes like this…The day before your ‘procedure’ you fast and only drink liquids and a foul tasting medicine; which I mixed into my beer. Then drink more meds and more beer; perhaps a little vodka. Prepare to spend about 7 hours on the toilet…which is fine for me, because that’s where I usually conduct my business and have my meals.

At 6am head on over to the hospital, where they shave your body…(only joking, I shaved myself playing with their toys while I waited. I think the nurses were upset because after I shaved, I covered my body in gauze bandages). The doctor comes in; his finger covered in blood and shit, and shakes my hand. He then describes the procedure, and shows me a hose that (and I kid you not), is the entire length of

Long Island

. I ask: ‘Dr Doody, will you be cleaning that thing off?’ He just smiles. At that point in walks the Action News Team …that’s when I passed out.

In any case I’ll have to get back to you on the rest, my dog is having a little trouble with the Sony HandiCam; but I promise I’ll have all the kinks worked out for when you stop by. Who’s first?

Thanksgiving dinner

I told you my mother-in-law treats me differently than the rest of the family; here is the proof. She told me she had a special turkey sandwich for me... It was special...and kinda tasty:

Corey directs his first movie

Very short film Corey took of Matthew trying to qualify for 'Jackass'.... funny.

Download first_test_movie.wmv

Small film

This is a riot....

Download Judgement3.wmv

Fashion model misses the entire point of a corsage…

Quick quiz:

This woman…

a) Thought the Republicans would keep the Senate, and consequently lost a huge election bet…
b) Traded the family cow for some magic beans, and the rest is history…
c)  Was naive enough to take advice from some mean girls in the bathroom at her prom, but will spend her life getting even with them, just like in a horror movie…

d) Is upset because she originally planted daisey's

Add this to the recipe in the last post

Barbie's dog is full of it

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

With his chiselled looks and nippy little sports car, we always suspected Ken might be full of it – but now Barbie has gone and got herself a dog that's gone the same way too.

The latest Barbie accessory is her pet dog, called Tanner, which not only looks like a loveable labrador but also poops like one too.

Almost a soon as Barbie has fed the dog its biscuit treats, a little something comes out the other end.

But, in a move designed to encourage responsible dog ownership, toy manufacturer Mattel has provided Barbie with a pooper scooper and bin too, meaning Tanner never has to leave any unwanted 'gifts' lying about on the carpet.

Tanner also comes equipped with dog toys, a bone, biscuit treats, a feeding bowl and a pink lead.

And, just in case that does not get the message across, Mattel has produced a promotional video of Barbie and Tanner playing in the park that shows you how to 'potty train' your dog.

So while Barbie may have seemed like the girl who had everything – including great clothes, cool cars, fabulous horses and no end of accessories – now we know what she was missing.

Would you like ketchup with that shit?

I had to laugh today as I was checking my visitor stats…(still no visitors), there was a link from someone who had an MSN search on ‘Shit Recipes’.

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And my web site came up like 5^th:

·         Shit Happens & Other Recipes: Shit Happens

What’s up with handicapped people riding those little electric carts at places like Home Depot and Lowes? When I began verbally abusing a woman in a cart for speedily crossing from Hardware to Paint ...

o        www.mickeykaye.com/shit_happens_other_recipe/2006/10/shit_happens.html

o        · Cached page

So I have to ask myself, why would anyone want a recipe for making shit? Can they not figure it out for themselves? Who are they serving it to? Is it okay for a Sunday brunch, as well as a formal dinner? Do you serve red or white wine with shit? And is it possible that everything tastes better on a Ritz?

I really wish the visitor stats area left information on who was looking and not just a referring web site. I would like to question the person who ran that search.

In any case, I’m offering my own recipe (after hours in the kitchen, two ducolax and some unsuspecting taste testers). Enjoy!

Shit Recipe

½ cup of shit

¼ cup of diarrhea

¼ cup dried shit flakes

In mom’s favorite bowl combine shit and diarrhea. Add shit flakes to desired consistency.

Refrigerate, freeze, bake, broil, boil or serve fresh.

Serves 4 very sick fucks.

Mercury Transits the Sun

Mercury is transiting the solar disk today! Make sure you have a good set of binoculars to watch it!

From Astronomy Pic of the Day

Seaches

Every now and then I check my visitor stats to see if anyone reads these posts…no one does, but I get several Google, Yahoo and MSN searches that point people here (for whatever reason). They come from all over the world and I get about 2-3 each day. These are from yesterday and today: (I apologize for the formatting…Typepad is fucking up)…

From

Portugal

– “mother-in-law law”

Shit Happens & Other Recipes

Mother in Law Law. They don’t call them mother-in-laws for nothing. Here are a few of my MIL’s laws….:. Never leave an open drink container out. ...

From

France

- narcissus in chains+penis:

Shit Happens & Other Recipes - [ Traduire cette page ]

... K Hamilton : Nightshade Tavern (Obsidian Butterfly & Narcissus in Chains) ... Spirit completes a diagram of an erect human penis on the planet's dusty ... mickeykaye.com/ - 51k - En cache - Pages similaires

US – “narcissus masturbation” from currently reading

US - deepest apologies:

·         Shit Happens & Other Recipes: Deepest apologies

I apologize to my readership, (all 3 of you), for not posting these last few days. I've been crazy busy and hope to catch up today. While you're waiting, sit back, relax...have a piece of gum and hum ...

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_recipe/2006/10/deepest_apologi.html

Leave it to the Onion

Politicians Sweep Midterm Elections. After months of aggressive campaigning and with nearly 99 percent of ballots ... Shit Happens & Other Recipes - http://www.mickeykaye.com/shit_happens_other_recipe/

Britain

– “painted my dog…”

Many, many searches that started on Corey’s or Ethan’s blog.